I want to write...a part of me really wants to write and to be a writer. Seems totally strange since ive never really done much writing apart from this blog, which really isnt much either. I have, however, always been one of those people who wrote in a journal. It wasnt the typical 'dear diary' sort of writing, but just a matter of putting my feelings and my thoughts down on paper. It was almost a release mechanism for me, to be able to leave all the things going on inside of me on a page, and leave it there so that it didnt clutter up my brain or unnecessarily complicate my emotions. And maybe thats why i always felt so much better afterwards, i could let go and sleep. 

And i want to be able to do more than that, i dont want to just write for my heart, but for my head as well. I am such an opinionated person, i have so many thoughts and ideas on such a wide array of things that i want to be able to share them with people. I need there to be more than just a simple recipient of my words, but a vessle that will take something from me and use it to give me more food for thought. 

So thats the new thing that i want to try next...and im starting small. I just volunteered to write the class notes for the alumni magazine and im starting an article for it as well. I just hope that I get a good enough of a reponse so that i have the confidence to try something bigger.  I know that im not the most eloquent person in the world but i hope that im good enough to be able to do something meaningful with it. 

Happy 2008

Today seemed like a good day to start blogging today!!

I  felt good today - not just because it was my birthday and i had a nice day with my friends and family - because i really felt good inside. Its a difficult feeling to describe, it seems so much deeper than just the everyday emotions that we go through, almost like the underlying state that everything else is based on.

There are days when no matter how much fun you have, deep inside you still feel like shit, and no matter what u do, will it go away. but not today, today felt different. no the day was not perfect; some people forgot my bday, some called later than others and others brightened moments with their thoughtfulness. With all the goods and bads, i was content at the end of the day. why today, i dont know but this has been a long time coming... after so long do i finally feel that i am living again.

For over a year i was living like a zombie, wandering through one day to the next..like a dark shadow with nothing but darkness inside of me. but i feel like im finally here, im finally living in today, finally being able to feel the sun and taste the food. seems melodramatic and even silly, but its true. life is not perfect, and it wont ever be...but i have started to come to terms with what it is. i dont know what tomorrow is but i want to find out, for the good and the bad.