My first three days at Citibank were a lot less scary than expected, in fact they were pretty alright! At the moment im just going through the boring process of orientation, finding out how stuff is done, who does what and just generally getting to know people. i guess thats a good thing rather than just being thrown into the deep end. But i hope that the work starts soon as well cause i am really keen to prove that i am capable of doing this, and no matter how much everyone scares me about the workload, i think i can deal with it.

Fulbright sucks!

I am officially depressed!

As feared I didnt get an interview call from Fulbright, there goes my best chance of going to grad school! sigh! I'm so disappointed right now that i dont even have the words to crib about the whole thing! i didnt expect that the process would be easy, nor am i arrogant enough to think that they would just be dying to handover the funding to me, but i was hoping to at least be given the chance to prove that i was good enough.

i graduated from college with honors, i've worked extremely hard at my job the past two years, so why is it that people with lower grades than mine and stupid jobs got calls and i didnt!?!? i know i can analyze this till im blue in the face and still not get enough answers, but a part of me really wants to understand; partly to figure out how i an do better on my next application to wherever i send it, and also to figure out whether im even good enough to do all the stuff that i want to do!

I've been thinking about going to business school for quite some time, actually for almost a year now. So far i've been waiting to find out whether i get the fulbright scholarship or not and then decide what my plan of action is going to be. If i get the scholarship things will become alot easier since they do alot of the work for you and there might be a good chance of getting into a half decent university. But so far all i've been doing is waiting, i havent even gotten an interview call eventhough people who i know did not have a better application than me have already had theirs!! I wish i were a more patient person but all this waiting is extremely worrying.

However if i dont get the funding then things are going to get alot harder, because then i probably wont go to the states as all the good biz schools there are pretty expensive. Not that the ones in the UK and Europe are any cheaper but my parents will at least contribute somewhat.

But money seems to be the easier end of the problem at the moment; whats really scaring me is not actually getting into any good business school. Everytime i look at a b-school, and look at the class profiles, i have a mini anxiety attack because i feel like im just not good enough. But a part of my just won't let the dream be crushed, i really want to go and i need to prove to myself first that im good enough before i even try and convince anyone else. Seeing Faiza get into Kellogg has made me a little bit more confident because it means that if i really work hard on my applications then i could get into a good school as well.

But i guess for now i wait some more and then start working on a new POA. I just wish this stupid CFA exam hadn't come up cause i have so little time to spare these days anyways!

Update - Part 2

After complaining for a longtime about how things had just gotten so stagnant (and whining about countless other things), I finally got out there and found myself a new job...yup a NEW job!

Honestly, it happened pretty quickly, within 1 month pretty much. I sent my CV to a friend, who sent it to her boss, he liked my CV but since he didnt have any openings he forwarded me to one of his friends, where i eventually ended up getting the job. So now im going to work for Citibank next week in the Corporate Banking department.

I have to admit I am really scared...i've never been a stranger to change but its the work that is scaring me. I'm making a big career shift and not knowing whether ill make it is scary!! on top of that countless people have told me its really tough which doesnt make me feel any better!

But im glad that im at least trying (albeit at a big expense)! and who's to say that i wont succeed at it in the end, I didnt think i could do what im doing right now but i have at the end. so lets see what happens. Its my last week at work here, and i am really ready to move on!

Update - Part 1

It really has been a while since i blogged properly, but i finally feel like i have more than enough to report.

Finally went on vacation last month, it was with the family and it was only for a week but it turned out to be quite nice (beggars really cant be choosers can they esp when the penny doesnt come out of ur pocket). Went over to Doha, Qatar and it turned out to be a nice trip,eventhough just about everyone told me that its a boring place (why that particular destination is a fairly long story that i can't get into) . Yes well it isnt exactly dubai (where i havent actually been myself) but i found it fascinating. It's totally amazing the level of development is taking place, if u have oil money and a population <1 million there apparently isnt a single thing you cant do. which leaves u to do all sorts of outrageous things like make islands in the middle of the ocean! stayed at a fancy hotel with a gorgeous view of the bay, and cause are rooms were apart we had plenty of personal space. Mom and I spent most of the time at the malls but surprisingly we didnt do that much shopping cause its seriously EXPENSIVE over there! watched a movie, ate LOTS of strawberries with ice-cream and seafood, and my dad and bro even got to jet-skiing (my dad on a jet-ski in a wet suit, man that is picture i just can't develop in my head!!)

All in all, was glad that we got to go since all of us were going crazy tired with work and other stuff. It's a shame that we couldnt add the UAE and Bahrain to the trip as originally planned but they are still on the list for the next ones.